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  Silent Exit

  Julie Collins

  Copyright © 2012

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

  Copyright © 2012

  'David. It's four O'clock in the morning.'

  Tess stood in the lounge doorway. Her dark brown eyes looked distressed. She hugged her flowery dressing gown into her delicate frame.

  David laughed and lunged in for a kiss. He reeked of beer and cigarettes.

  'I'm being serious David. This has got to stop. It's not fair.'

  'I've just been out for a few beers. That's all.'

  He ripped his boots off and fell back onto the sofa. His hair was disheveled from his long drinking session. He quickly fell into a drunken coma and began to snore loudly. Tess left him to sleep and got into bed. She had been unable to talk to David about anything of late and these 4am drunken states were becoming a regular thing. Although it would break her heart, she didn't think she could take much more. Part of her thought it was time to leave this situation altogether and the other part wanted to make a final attempt to talk to him. After all, she did love him.

  Eighteen months before, things had been good. Everything about moving to Vietnam had been a novelty. The locals were friendly. Not being able to communicate with them very well, had been an interesting challenge. She thought about the friends they had made, some crazy, others genuine. But of course a lot of them had moved on somewhere else. It was the transient life of the expat, ever moving, ever changing. Sometimes it was sad and sometimes amazing.

  She thought back to how they had laughed together when they first arrived, having both got the initial nasty series of stomach problems that came along with living in Asia. They had lived in a hotel room in the beginning and they had spent a lot of intimate time together. They quickly secured a nice rental home, with a pool and garden. Tess loved the beautiful bay window at the front of the house. The place was light and airy.

  After she had unpacked and settled, Tess took her first solo venture into the heart of the city. The traffic was dense and the horns were tooting furiously. There were a sea of motorbikes and face masks. Tess stood on the side of the road, searching for a gap. She waited for her time to cross, but it did not come. The smell of boiled rice and spices invaded her nose and people bashed into her, as they made their way towards the market.

  She wondered what would come of this new experience. So far it seemed OK, although she had not yet managed to get a job. Still patiently waiting for a clearing in the traffic, she felt someone take hold of her elbow.

  'You have to walk straight into it and the traffic will go around you.'

  The woman with red bobbed hair and pale skin, smiled warmly.

  'Just arrived in Vietnam?'

  'We got here four weeks ago.'

  The woman began to slowly walk out into the road, keeping hold of Tess. The motorbikes and cars seemed to weave around them and she was on the other side in no time.

  'Thank you.'

  'No worries. Here's my card. Give me a call if you need any help.'

  She moved away quickly, giving Tess a wave as she disappeared down a narrow alley way.

  The taxi back to the house was eventful. There was lots of weaving in and out of motorbikes and plenty of uncomfortable moments, because the driver was too lazy to change gear. She managed to block out the noise as her thoughts drifted to England, her place of birth. She missed her friends and family and she missed Stefan. Her heart flipped thinking about him. He had been the love of her life. Their year-long romance had been on and off, but she had loved him. His job took him overseas often, as did hers. She had been a flight attendant for some years. They met on one of her flights. He had flirted and chatted with her. She instantly loved his dark chocolate eyes, and his tall, well-proportioned body. As he left the aircraft, he slipped her his boarding card. He had written his phone number on it.

  'I hope this is OK? I don't normally do this.' He smiled, as he handed it to her.

  The first date was in a country pub, just outside London. It was very romantic. They sat by the open fire, it was a particularly quiet weekday evening. They had the place to themselves. They laughed and chatted for hours, until the landlord told them he was locking up. Outside, Stefan walked her to her car. He made idle chat whilst he waited for the moment to kiss her. He didn't ask, he just grabbed her hand and pulled her into him. He kissed her passionately. He

  pressed himself hard against her. His lips were soft and moist. She felt a surge of pleasure as she pushed herself into him. They clung together and kissed each other’s lips. He slid his tongue into her mouth and relished in the pleasure of meeting hers. The lush warmth of this moment was too much to handle and he broke off.

  'Sorry, I could feel myself getting out of control.' He let out a deep breath.

  'You are amazing.'

  'Wow! That was some kiss.' Tess confessed.

  'Let’s do this again. Like tomorrow.' He said.

  Tess laughed.

  'I'm flying tomorrow. Back Saturday though.'

  'You mean, I've got to wait three days to kiss you again?'

  'Well, perhaps you should ask me if I actually want to see you?' She teased.

  'Do you?'

  '…. Yes.'

  Stefan and Tess messaged each other constantly. Tess had no doubt that they were meant to be together and couldn't wait to see him. She didn't go home after her flight had landed. She continued straight to Stefan's apartment in central London and fell straight into his arms, as he opened the door.

  His smell was hypnotic and his kiss was sweet, something that had been missing in her life. It excited her whole being. He showed her how to be a little more daring and she showed him how to be tender. Things were always on and off. They would argue sometimes and then kiss and make up. They would play the game, because neither admitted that it was love.

  Stefan was increasingly spending more time overseas on business and Tess was given an opportunity to move to the Middle East permanently, to work on a private jet. It was every flight attendant's dream. Tess had hoped that Stefan would beg her not to go and that finally he would tell her, that he loved her. Instead, he told her it was a great opportunity and encouraged her. Tess was

  secretly devastated and realized that he had not been serious about her at all. She wanted desperately to tell him she loved him, but she knew now that he did not feel the same.

  They grew apart after she relocated. She didn't really bother with him as much and presumed he would be seeing other women by now. He was an extremely sought after man, but she pushed this thought to the back of her mind.

  When she met David, Stefan took the news politely. He had instantly disliked David. From her description, he thought that David sounded arrogant and cocky. He stepped aside, but they continued to email from time to time.

  This new man in her life had been a breath of fresh air. The constant flying all over the world was fun, but very lonely. She had met David at a BBQ restaurant on the compound she was based at, in Saudi Arabia. He was cheeky, gregarious Australian and always got what he wanted. The attraction was instant. They both had something in common, loneliness. He was a distinguished man, he wasn't overly tall and he certainly wasn't athletic, but his eyes were amazing. They were dark blue and wolf-like. His hair was thick, spiky, salt and pepper gray. He had wanted Tess from the get-go and he got her.

  Things in Saudi Arabia became a little too oppressive for them and they decided t
o get out and make a new life somewhere else. An opportunity for David came up in Vietnam. They discussed and agreed it would be good for them both, and Tess would leave her job. Even after all this time Tess was sad to be moving even further away from Stefan, he would always remain in the back of her mind. After receiving Stefan's email informing her of his intention to get married, Tess felt like something inside her had died. It stirred up her feelings for him, but she pushed them to one side. She could not stand the pain. She replied to his emails out of courtesy, but could not bring herself to physically speak to him and did not visit him on her trips back to London.

  The taxi stopped outside the house and she opened the large front gate, to reveal the front door open and two men walking around inside.

  'Hello Miss Tess, we looking for you.'

  Thankfully, she recognized one of the men as her new landlord.

  'What are you doing walking around my house?'

  'We repair house, it broken.'

  Apparently some damage to the house from the previous rainy season had to be fixed. Not wanting to feel breathless any longer from the humidity, Tess moved inside the house to the air conditioning. She prepared herself for one of David's work functions. She showered and put her shiny auburn hair into a beautiful chignon. She placed a linen strapless maxi dress over her slim body and nodded to herself in the mirror. She looked good. Not too over the top, but stylish.

  The repairs went on for a week. It was messy, loud, and very intrusive. The work began at 7am every morning. As the weeks went on it, became apparent that Tess would not be able to find a job. Employers would only hire locals, because they could pay them a small salary, which was just over a hundred dollars per month, on average. Having been a flight attendant for the past few years, she was not qualified in anything specific that could land her an executive position in a western company.

  She had decided that not working could be good and she could pursue all the things she hadn't had time for previously. She messaged the woman who guided her across the road and was eventually invited to a ladies expat lunch. Tess very quickly realized that she had to conform or be alone in this place.

  'Ladies, ladies.'

  A rather portly woman began to speak. She had fat hands, a red face and one of those little peak chins, that protrude under the fat.

  'We have some newbies, so let's introduce ourselves. We will go around the table one by one.'

  She was really loud and overpowering. Tess raised her eyes a little, to look at the other women’s responses. They all seemed happy to continue with this charade. This is a little odd, thought Tess. It's like being at a work orientation. All the ladies conformed to their leader and enthusiastically joined in.

  Tess looked around the bar. At this time of day it was dim and uneventful. The place smelt of tobacco smoke and alcohol. There were a few western men hunched over beers at the bar, sucking on cigarettes, furiously flirting with the waitresses. Tess wondered why these exotic, beautiful girls, bothered with these completely unfit, gross looking men.

  'Tess is new.' This brought Tess back to the circle with a jolt.

  'Um …. yes.' She started to say.

  'Hi everyone, I'm Tess, my boyfriend is the group training director for a mining company here. I'm not working, but I love to read.'

  Everyone welcomed her. She realized that they had made food and brought it in. They were even explaining their recipes. This meeting was becoming more and more like the stepford wives, she felt uncomfortable, it was fake. One of the girls from the other end of the table approached her. Her build was slight and she had obviously spent too much time in the sun. She was puffing on a cigarette and releasing the smoke as she spoke.

  'Tess would you and your boyfriend like to join us for dinner tomorrow night?'

  'I will check with David and see if he is free.' She replied.

  'Take my number.'

  The girl pushed her mobile phone under Tess's nose.

  'I'm Trudy. I've been here a few months. I know what it's like when you first get here.' She nudged her head in the direction of the women at the table and raised her eyebrows.

  Tess laughed, it seemed Trudy felt the same way as her, maybe it wasn't going to be so difficult in Vietnam after all.

  Dinner with Trudy and her husband Dan had been fun. They were both heavy drinkers, but they're hearts were kind. Trudy and Tess became quite good friends and got together every few days for coffee or lunch.

  The loud sound of David snoring in his drunken coma brought Tess out of her thoughts. She had a lump in her throat and she felt sick. They had been in Vietnam for eighteen months, so much had happened. She knew that she had to make a final attempt to talk to David.

  The following evening, she did just that. He was as rude and as stubborn as ever. She had tortured herself enough and was beginning to realize that his problems were not her fault.

  'I'm just so unhappy David. You haven't slept with me for months.'

  She was sobbing. Her nose was full and she was using tissues at a furious rate.

  'Yes, well maybe it's because you nag me when I get home from work Tess. It's rather distracting.'

  His tone was dismissive.

  'David, you're out till the early hours of the morning most weekends, whilst I'm home alone.'

  David sighed deeply and continued to look at his mobile phone.

  'Look Tess, I ask you to come out with me and you don't want to. If you want to stay home and isolate yourself, be my guest. But don't then get angry with me because you cannot control me and tell me what to do.'

  Tess had become really ill months back and was still struggling to recover fully. She had already been diagnosed with a parasite and had received treatment for it, but not long after, one morning in December, she had slumped to the floor in a heap. Her body started to seize up and she was struggling to breath. David had rushed her to the hospital. She had taken a bad reaction the medicine and contracted measles at the same time. Her immune system had taken a beating and she spent months recovering until now. Seven months to be precise. It had left her with post viral fatigue and asthma.

  She continued to reason with him and battle with his answers. He had smart comments for everything that she said. He knew deep down, she was still too unwell to sit in smoky bars in her condition.

  David had not made any intimate advances towards Tess in months and he did little to explain why this was happening. She had asked him if he was having an affair, he just laughed at her and said that she was deluded. He snored so bad, that Tess had taken the spare room. He had promised to quit smoking and drinking, which added to this problem. Of course, he had done nothing, in fact his alcohol consumption and smoking had got much worse.

  Tess walked out of the room and took refuge in her bedroom, she was still sobbing and her throat hurt, as did her heart. She felt broken. She heard the door slam. David had left, gone to one of the bars no doubt. She flipped open her laptop and opened her chat window. Stefan had sent her yet another message. She thought about his deep brown eyes and his athletic physique. She longed for his strong arms to hold her. Feeling lonely and vulnerable, she messaged him back.

  Tess: Hello, are you there?

  His response was immediate.

  Stefan: Yes.

  Stefan: Tess why have you ignored me for so long, I miss you.

  Tess: I need someone to talk to ….

  Stefan: What's wrong?

  Tess: I've been terribly sick and I'm very, very lonely :(

  Stefan: What do you mean you’re sick??!!!!

  Tess: I've been through an ordeal and I'm coming out the other side.

  Stefan: Your phone number. Now !

  Tess: It's not appropriate at the moment.

  Her heart was racing and she was now crying even more. She wanted to speak to him so badly, but had never revealed any emotion to him before and couldn't start now. Besides, what would his wife think?

  Tess: Stefan I'm OK, just feeling a little down.

 
Stefan: I want to help Tess. Tell me what to do?

  Stefan: Is that clown still drinking?

  Tess: Yes.

  Stefan: You need to remove him from your life Tess.

  Stefan had read through the lines and realized early on, that David was not good for her. Her emails and texts had revealed enough to him over the years. Tess explained everything that had been going on and that before now she had been too ill to travel home. She was surprised about his concern, but reminded herself yet again that he was married. She promised to keep Stefan updated.

  Tess fell asleep eventually, but was woken by David rolling in at just after 3am. He seemed to care little about going to work in the morning, but he had probably been with his boss and wouldn't need an excuse. They were both as bad as each other, with the booze. He opened the bedroom door.

  'You still mad at me?' He slurred.

  He was swaying in the door way. Tess rolled over and ignored him.

  'I love you Tess, you do know that don't you?'

  Silence.

  The following morning, she decided it would be best to leave. She had finally given up. He would not change and she now knew this. Today was her day to depart. David had managed to get up for work. She walked into the bedroom. His shirt from last night lay on the bed. She lifted it to her nose and tears began to fall. She would not see him again and he was sure to drink himself into an early death.

  'I'm sorry David.' She whispered.

  As she boarded the plane, she realized that she had left without fuss. No more arguing, just a silent exit. She had gone without slamming doors and without protest. She used the aircraft bathroom for her emotional outbursts during the flight. Her heart ached. Ached for him and how they used to be. She thought back to how they met and remembered just how arrogant he was back then too.

  Breathing in the fresh cold air of London, she felt anxious, but considerably calm. She had endured the last of her loneliness on the plane. Now she would have her friends and family around her. She wheeled her suitcase to the bus stop. The courtesy bus would be here in three minutes. She loved the organized chaos of London Heathrow. It was a humongous airport that was bursting at the seams with passengers, but it just somehow worked.